Bed and Breakfast Startup

Found out my gf of four years "texting" some guy from her work behind my back.?
so my gf and i had been together for four years, she broke up with me 4 months ago cuz i had been on a lil drinking spree and having too much fun with friends. but nothing to hurt her, as far as talking to other girls. so i was stubborn when she left me it didnt hit me hard till like 3 weeks later, by that time she was starting to talk to someone new, so for two months i tried and tried to get back and it made it worse.

finaly i let it go, i wrote her a four page letter after 2 weeks of not talking saying. i hope you realize how great our relationship was and how happy with made each other and bla bla bla. so anyway. she came back to me. only after finding out she hooked up with some guy. but i forgave her.

weve been together for the past two months. she stopped talking to the guy and weve had a blast together just like we always have. we always cook dinner together, go places. watch movies. joke around. hang out with friends. what ever… so i guess the whole time she had been texting a busser from her work, that i didnt even know existed. and she would do it when ever i wasnt around.

i found this out , becuase one of my friends, was talking to her friend who was talking to the guy. and he was flirting with her. and mentioned he was kinda talking to a girl from his work. we’ll turns out it was my gf. she never told him that we were back together i guess. and that on holloween when she told me she was tired and gonna sleep. she went to a kick back and get in her bra and underwear to go swimming.. and she lied to me when i was texting her in the middle of the night cuz i found out one of my friends died. and i needed her she was texting him after she left the kick back till 4 am. when i was texting her from 12 – 3am…

anyway, so i got the guys number and i told him the situation. he told me he didnt even know we were back together, and he was shocked. and that she would periodically text him from time to time, and that they never hooked up and only hung out on holloween.

i was so beyond hurt and anger. i basically put her on blast and told her i found out everything. i didnt cuss at her. or call her names. i told her basically i found out youve been talking to him behind my back and what you did on holloween isnt right, and that we are over.

she didnt text me back that night cuz it was 1 am.

the next day i went to her to pick up my house key, and camera i had just bought her.. cuz our other one got jacked.. and she came out smiling.. and i asked "why are you smiling" and she said i didnt do anything.. i just drove off..

then she texts me saying i dont know what your talking about. so then i gave her exact details. and she said how’d you get his number. howd you find out.. and i told her. and she said i was crazy? why am i crazy for finding out youve been talking to someone behind my back.

anyway. all in all. her friends are backing her up saying she didnt do anything wrong. but in my book. thats wrong, if i had been doing that to her, she’d be soo pissed at me. its just not right. even if he was a friend. shouldnt i have known about him? and i have never even seen a single text from him when im with her?

i feel that she held on to someone because she thought i wouldnt change my ways of drinking and partying. and i completely have. and i feel great been going to church with her. and focusing more. btw im not a loser, i own a house im 22, and have money, and in the process of opening a restuarant… so im not big headed about it either. and im also not controlling.. so i feel that she wanted to hold on to something or someone incase we didnt work out?

its just not fair she isnt even admiting to her faults. do you think she will feel it soon? like i said it took me like 3 weeks last time she broke up with me.

she said to me " your crazy thats why we will never be together"

honestly ive done things for this girl you couldnt imagine, going to the price is right. the fairs. cookin her dinner. breakfast in bed. buying her stuff. taking her out. i spend 200 last week on sushi fish and made it at home for her as a suprise. i treat her like a princess. and were both really involved with our families and both families love us, and i was gonna actualy do thanksgiving at my home… and she has never done anything stupid like this. she’s the youngest of 6 sisters. and her whole family is loyal to there bfs.

the reason i have never done anything behind her back is cuz. i feel that theres nothing another girl is going to do for me that my current gf couldnt do for me, you kno? and same for her, theres nothing another guy she finds is gonna do for her that i couldnt do for her… so why do it? she’s 19 and she’s gonna be 20 this month.. and even if she’s going through a phase and she needs to explore… it still isnt right. because ive been with her when i was 18. 19, 20, 21, 22 and i didnt have to go c
thanks for your answers. and you are right.. if i had done those things behind her back then she would be very upset with me.

her best friend who hates me. once i stated my side. actually began to have compasion.. they love the show called "the hills" and i said.. if you and her were watching the show together, and two people were in a relationship for 6 months even.. and it was great.. and he drops her off and home and she gets on her phone to text some other person he has no clue who he is.. then you both with jump and say "OMG what is she doing, he’s so good to her!!" and ya.. the partying if she needs to do that. she could do it with me "together" i ALWAYS told her where i was, who i was with, and invited her. i have never avoided her.

you know when she broke up with me.. my friends supported me saying its ok you were just being you. as far as drinking and having fun.. but it was just a 3 month thing i was going through alot.. so.. all in all. i feel like its just about guys.
also.. now that the guy knows.. and im not mad at him. and he said in his own words "im shocked" cuz she didnt say anything to me that you were still together.. do you think he would have a conscious to be like ok.. this chick is messed up.. and question her aswell? do you think he would say "hey , thats messed up. why did you bring me into this" or do you think he’s like screw it not my problem im gonna take advantage of a rebound from her. i just feel like right now. since im gone that she is gonna try to at least save him for her.. and i feel it might hit her after she realizes and does what she needs to with him.. but by that time ill be long gone. her bday is in 3 weeks. and i dont plan on saying happy birthday.. she knows how nice i am and she’ll probably be expecting it, and its like ya. most people retaliate when angry.. i wont. i havent. i let the guy know cuz he deserved to know. and i took my house key and camera back cuz they are mine.. she has a ring.. that she wont give..
but honestly.. what can a person like me do? break up with her cuz i found out all this stuff. let her do her thing she needs to out of anger and lonelness cuz she cant admit to herself she was wrong. let her turn into a whore cuz shes looking for love in the wrong places? and then when she’s done and sorry. and trys to appologize? should i even entertain her appology? because i dont think i can. this is the girl that wanted to get married and have kids. for the past 4 years. and all of a sudden she wants dick it seems. i feel like its nothing i did. or have done. but she wants to see what other guys are like. but she’s doing it wrong. because you can see what other guys are like by looks at your friends relationships. see there hurt. and pain. and how they arent loyal to there gf. this guy is 21 and single. seems like a good guy. but im sure women come and go with him. because the way i found out he was flirting with one of my friends whome he never met, through text saying….
your so hot, how do you not have a bf… im kinda talking to this girl at my work but she’s no big deal.

When you bring up to a person (in general) that you have found out evidence that person did something wrong and that person says, "Who told you?" or "How did you find that out?" then that person is guilty of wrongdoing.
If a person says something defensive, then that’s another sign that a person is guilty.
If you out a person on a lie that person has been keeping and that person is silent, then that person does not know what to say to you.
Unlike you, I have never been in a relationship that last as long as yours but my last girlfriend did worse things. It’ll be too long to get into details about her.
I will tell a few messed up things she did though.
She kept her last boyfriend before me onto her myspace as a contact.
I told her to take him off her myspace because having him as a contact bothered me.
She "agreed" yet weeks later when I checked back on her myspace, he was back on there.
When I blew up at her, she took him off her myspace and had no explanation for how he was added back on other than telling me "He was on there all along."
She added him back on her myspace shortly after dumping me through text messages on my old cell phone last year.
I have no doubt that she talked to him on the phone when I was not with her.
She would have instant message conversations with guys and saved them on her laptop.
She would go on a personals page to find another boyfriend.
She was defensive when I told her that I found out about it by angrily asking me "What are you? Stalking me?"
She went on a dinner date with a male coworker and ONLY told me to see if I would get upset.
You’ve been with your girlfriend so long that she should not have texted a guy and hid that fact from you.
I’ve learned from my last relationship that you cannot be too sweet to someone because that person may end up taking you for granted….eventually.
I am sure your girlfriend did not mean to hurt you.
She just was not thinking.
She lost sight of how amazing you are to her.
She should have waited to see that you would get yourself together (stop drinking and hanging out with your friends so much) instead of talking and going out with another guy.
I don’t know if she is sorry for texting another guy and hanging out with me. I mean if she was sorry then she would have felt guilty and told you.
It’s understandable why her friends will say she did not do anything wrong because she is close to them and they are her friends not yours.
If they liked and really respected you, then they would admit that she’s lied to you.
You have to talk to her in person.
If you do get back together with her, then you will obviously have a tough time trusting her.
We obviously don’t know each other but your self-description and how you’ve treated your girlfriend, you’re a good guy.
I am sorry that your girlfriend hurt you. I hope that this helps and take care of yourself. I mean this. ~ Alan