My dad has passed and I never met him. My single working mother is depressed and has been on her own for years, we struggle to get along although it has improved somewhat but still not great. I rarely get to see my nan and I don’t see anyone else.

I am bullied at college because I am hardworking yet elsewhere I am called anything but mature and hardworking.

My boyfriend is nearly 21 and he still lives with his parents and sister.

I’m going to bullet point a few things:

My boyfriend has a job and a car – however he claims to be independant despite his parents still doing a lot for him. He never bought the car either or payed for his lessons. He still gets breakfast bought to him in bed and his lifestyle is work, go home and sleep and play games and go on nights out at the weekend. Sometimes we will see each other however this is not an everyday thing. We see each other weekends.

His friends are Lovely. His family are too. But his family are strange at times. His sister is attached and clingy with him but doesn’t expect physical affection from anyone else in the family. She gives him puppy stares none stop and I feel very left out if we spend time together as a 3. His mother is unemployed and brings out strange rules about needing breaks at the weekends despite it always being balanced. My mother works and she doesn’t. His dad gets hardly any attention. He has to cook for everyone and he gets nothing in return. He is nagged at as soon as he enters home. The women in my boyfriends family get more attention yet his mother is honestly lazy and his sister can be quite spoil ed sorry to say.

I am never jealous or possessive. I let my partner live his life and I let off my best friend flirting with him.I don’t get bothered from it, I am laid back in that sense because I know he loves me.

He does a lot for me and I return the favour, but sometimes I don’t like how he talks to me when I’m anxious. I don’t want to be told to shut up, I want to feel cared for. I talk to him about it loads but how can I help a guy that is struggling to deal with it?

All of these events put together have made me extremely anxious. I worry about my boyfriend loving other people much more than me, I worry that he does not have a good time with me but has more memorable moments with others. I am concerned he favours his mother and sister over his father.

I feel like a failure to my mother because I was unexpected and I am tired of being blamed for everything. My college classmates do not bring me down – I ignore or stick up for myself but I was bullied throughout school so I am used to shakyonstant worrying has affected my health. I am very skinny and I havereferral vomited from anxious attacks. I am shakey a lot and my heart beats fast over general things.

I am getting a referal soon and I want to know what to discuss with the Doctor? Please help, thank you :]

Aw mate. You say you’re laid back but what kind of a friend is going to flirt with your boyfriend? Isn’t that a little too laid back? I’d have really told her how unhappy I was about that. It doesn’t matter if you’re secure with him, the point is that she should respect you enough not to do that.

Also, you say, you don’t want to be told to ’shut up’. Well quite right! Who’s telling you to shut up? Him? That’s not fair and that’s disrespectful if he is talking to you like that.

It’s one thing being laid back but don’t be a pushover girl. You’re worth more than that. About seeing the psychiatrist, why don’t you get a notebook out and just start writing down your concerns and feelings and then read it back and make a list of the things that you really want the psychiatrist to know. I know they’re probably really expensive and cost a lot of money so make sure that you spend some time deciding what are the most important things that you need him (or her) to help you with and be sure to tell him/her. Write it down if it helps you decide what the most important things are.

Good luck
x

First off, I’m 19, I live in a studio apartment, and I have almost no furniture. I use bean bags for chairs, and instead of a normal bed I sleep on a blowup bed I bought from walmart for 60$. I don’t own a tv. I don’t even own a table.

The only food I buy is hot doggs, bread, coco, and condiments. I eat 3 hotdoggs for breakfast and 3 for dinner, and thats it. I drink water only from the tap, even though my city has been voted the worst water in california (even worse than la). In the morning I wake up, smoke a ciggerette, make a cup of hot coco, and listen to public radio . I don’t have a day job. I do odd jobs like building things for people.

I drive a rv as my only auto-mobie. I even spray painted the words "the weed mobile" on the side of it, and a middle finger on the top so helecopters can have a good laugh.

Ok, now heres where it gets interesting. I don’t believe in god, yet I believe in almost every conspiracy theory on the planet. I believe aliens mixed their dna with cave men to create modern humans. My dream is to someday live in a cave in some far off with nothing but my bear hands. And I would love to do this. I also would prefer to go to prison than to be a bum. Infact, if I was in prison I would do something horrible just so they would put me in solitary confindment.

Well these are just a few things I do and believe, you be the judge?

i am glad you are not my neighbor, guys who want to do weird things to stay in prison, there are a few screws looser here, and the middle finger, i am glad as i said you are not my neighbor, i would not trust you in a cave by yourself,

you don,t have to believe in God, but you might make an effort, it is better than "pushing it" and wanting to be in solitary,

(who wants you to build things for them, this makes one wonder) coco and sigarettes, another weirdo, yeah, it is weird that you shop in walmart,

as for the hot dogs, i seem to have read somewhere, in some philosopical book someplace, "it’s so nice not to eat a hot dog"

but you are not beyond hope, perhaps you can apply these words to do some of your living by, "stay out of burning windmills, stay away from crazed villagers, and listen to blind men play the violin once in awhile"

considering what california has to offer i guess you can be considered run of the mill. take some time to find out about God

I know that i sound childish when i ask this question, like a kid complaining about his parents that hates life. but i am being honest, I can’t stand any of this and i need a way to deal with it. It’s gotten worse and worse. Please help me.
also, my mom makes me do things for no reason, that she could do herself. If she is in the living room watching tv, she yells my name and tells me to close the door to the deck. and one day i asked her why she didn’t do it while she was already right next to the door sitting on the couch. she just yelled at me and said that i am a son of a bitch, it’s like she doesn’t even see the irony in it
the grandparent on my dads side is sick, along with my grandpa they also have a really small house, live in a small apartment, and my grandma on my moms side lives in a small crouded house with 2 of my aunts, 2 uncles, 3 cousins, and they always have company over there. Also live in a not so safe part of LI
i already do the soap thing they just don’t buy me anything because they think that it’s not worth it, and i wouldn’t use it but i know that i would

wow its like slavery.
all you can do is look forward to turning 18 and moving out!
if you dont find a job, go to college dorms, once your 18 you sign your own paperwork for college tuition. remember you only live with your parents temporarily.
why do something to yourself? your not gonna live with them forever.

i used to be scared of my mom, calling me liitle bitch and accussing me of having sex when i was still a virgin, i wasnt good enough, she always said that i never loved her. thats when i stopped coming home, i would stay the night at my friends or relatives and not go home, at first she blew up and called me names, a little worse than usual, threatened to call the cops. to my surprise she didnt hit me, and if she kept on pounding me i wouldve called her in. i probably wouldve got taken away. moral of the story dont go home so much (my mom eventually started treating me better and actually said she missed me) get out of the house and if they beat you, tell your teachers and you just might be moved to another family through foster care.

Man B: He pays for you when he ask you out and lets you pay when you ask him out. He open doors, but does not pull out you chair at dinner. He helps with some of the household duties and makes you breakfast in bed sometimes. He buys you gifts for your birthday and valentines. Tells you how hot you look on occasion. Loves having sex with you.

A OR B.

Definitely A. I like to be pampered and adored. Man A sounds like the perfect partner.

i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years now..when we met he was a uni…i was working and looking after my daughter so was mainly paying for most things as he didnt earn much…due to personnal reason he dropped ut of uni for awhile and worked for abit here and there…..as the years have gone on he has decided that he wants to go back to uni and finish what he started..he now doesnt work and hasnt for awhile..and he has not started uni yet either..all he keeps saying is he is waiting for financial assistance before he can do anything…i pay for rent,gas,electric,water food..basically everything!! dont get me wrong he does help out round the houese…he will put a load of washing on etc.. i have started to fell different towards him over the past year..my sex drive has gone..althoug i still put out..just to keep him happy…i cook for him everyday…we do NOTHING together as he is always broke.i do the little thing like still bring him breakfast in bed…he has bought me flowers twice since been together..well one rose for valentines and a bunch i asked for!!! i think the little things mean alot….im not tight so if we do do anything i will pay…he sometimes says its annoying him being broke..and when i suggest maybe a saturday job or something he comes up with every excuse under the sun…and i am now getting really pisses off..i wake every morning at 7 to get my daughter up..whilst he is still snoring..drop her to school and go to work..whilst he stillis snoring.. he will get up at around 11 and frist thing he will do is put tv on..and normally stays there until bed time!! he does not live in my area so often i will drop him home and pick him up…with regards to our love life he is constantly grabbing me or will shove his hand down my top which piss’s me off now..as i feel like abit of meat…and on the rare occassions when i dont feel in the mood..he will then continue to ask why i fell asleep which is stressing me out..coz now i feel like right have sex then i can go sleep with no questions..i feel stressed frustated andthat im being taken for a mug..6 years is a long time…and it scaes me to think of me ending it..but i dunno what to do!! i just want your opinions and if you was me what you would do…

dont waste my time with stupid immature comments!!
when i say he live in diff place…its 2o mins down the road and he stays with me for like 5 days in a row..eats out all my food etc…then buggers back to where his family are for a couple of days then comes back again for another few day!! he smokes weed aswell which i have asked him to stop..but has not.
my daughter is 7 years old.

I know you are scared to end this relationship but you need to talk to him. You need to tell exactly what you have told us. And honey, as long as you continue to give him breakfast in bed, cook for him, and have sex with him he will not move a muscle to change.Why should he? He has everything that he needs. He needs to know that putting a load of washing on is not going to put food on the table.

I need to be honest with you and I’m sure you are not going to want to agree with me but at least I am being honest. Your boyfriend has become very lazy and he’s very happy being at home doing nothing. For him not to find work on the weekends should be telling you that he has no intention of looking for work. And if he had to wait until he gets financial assistance before he goes to the university then he should have kept his job. And there is no guarantee that he is going to get financial assistance. Your boyfriend is depending on you to serve his needs on hands and foot and doesn’t care about how you feel about it.

You need to not ask him anything. But need to tell him how it’s going to be from now on. You need to be firm with him and you need to tell him if he doesn’t pull his weight then he’s out of your life. You also need to tell him that if he is not happy then the door is there. If you don’t show him that you mean business then he will find all kinds of excuses and he will try to win your trust in him. Right now he cannot be trusted because he’s depending on you for everything. And you need to make it clear to him that it’s at the point where it’s affecting your relationship with him. You have been with this man for 6 years and if he doesn’t smarten up then he needs to know that you will not tolerant him for another 6 years. If your boyfriend plans on using you this way while he waits to go to the university or while he’s in the university then you need to tell him that it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. And you need to stop making breakfast, cooking and giving him sex until he can prove to you that he not using you.

If you don’t stand on your own two feet then he will not change. And in the long run you will get to hate him. Ask him if he is going to piss you off until you start to hate him. You should not be afraid to talk to him. And you should not be afraid to show how angry you are at him for becoming such a lazy person. He should be ashamed for doing this to you. If this guy really cares for you then you have nothing to lose by telling him how you really feel about him because he won’t leave you. But if he leaves you for this then this will answer your questions about him and where you relationship was at.

If you are able to run to the store, you could either pick up the ingredients or even get a half a dozen or so candy bars and a piece of poster board and make him a chocolate candy bar card using the names of the bars as part of the message. Very cute. There are instructions and ideas for the message at http://www.chocolate-candy-mall.com/chocolate-candy-bar-cards.html

Have fun, and remember, if you give him something chocolate, he’ll probably let you share. =)

This is what life does. It lets you walk up to
the store to buy breakfast and the paper, on a
stiff knee. It lets you choose the way you have
your eggs, your coffee. Then it sits a fisherman
down beside you at the counter who says, Last night,
the channel was full of starfish. And you wonder,
is this a message, finally, or just another day?

Life lets you take the dog for a walk down to the
pond, where whole generations of biological
processes are boiling beneath the mud. Reeds
speak to you of the natural world: they whisper,
they sing. And herons pass by. Are you old
enough to appreciate the moment? Too old?
There is movement beneath the water, but it
may be nothing. There may be nothing going on.

And then life suggests that you remember the
years you ran around, the years you developed
a shocking lifestyle, advocated careless abandon,
owned a chilly heart. Upon reflection, you are
genuinely surprised to find how quiet you have
become. And then life lets you go home to think
about all this. Which you do, for quite a long time.

Later, you wake up beside your old love, the one
who never had any conditions, the one who waited
you out. This is life’s way of letting you know that
you are lucky. (It won’t give you smart or brave,
so you’ll have to settle for lucky.) Because you
were born at a good time. Because you were able
to listen when people spoke to you. Because you
stopped when you should have and started again.

So life lets you have a sandwich, and pie for your
late night dessert. (Pie for the dog, as well.) And
then life sends you back to bed, to dreamland,
while outside, the starfish drift through the channel,
with smiles on their starry faces as they head
out to deep water, to the far and boundless sea.

This is not a poem…

These are the problems:

1) We barely have sex since the first time we have been together.
2) I cannot work because I am an international student, and I’m paying tuition thanks to my parents money. I use my partner’s car and he pays for rent.
3) I promised him I would take care of him as soon as I will be done with my CPA certification by approximately the end of 2011
4) He loves me to death even though we don’t have sex. He plans for a future move to Europe where we would buy a bed and breakfast using my parent’s money. He doesn’t have much money, but that’s what I like about him because I want to build something that can last a lifetime with someone.
5) I am not sure whether I love him. I met him as soon as I was left by a Polish guy. I tried to do anything in order to find a job and a house for Polish Guy in Italy, but since he did not speak Italian very well, he never really found a job. He only wanted to be a hotel receptionist though. Me and American Guy talked on the phone for 7 months until he made me go through my heartbreak. The problem is that I only went through my heartbreak one year ago (which is two years after we dated), waking up one day and finding myself in American Guy’s home.

6) Now there is another guy (Texan Guy). He’s the most wonderful person in the world, and I cheated on American Guy with him. I know it’s very sad, but it just happened. He wrote "I am not sure where things are headed! But I can tell you that either way I would like for you to be a part of my life." He means either as a friend or a boyfriend. He seriously messed with my mind. I can’t stop thinking of Texan Guy, and he’s making me feel alive all over again. I have never felt like this with American Guy. But I know that if I leave American Guy, I will have to start buying my own car and pay for rent. I also keep thinking that American Guy loves me to death and I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t think he deserves such a treatment from me.

Should I keep staying with American Guy or Texan Guy? In other words, should I think for myself or for American Guy’s goodness?

Stop moving from one man to the next and being a sponge. Everything you do he pays for, and all of your plans are supported by your parents money. Leave your American guy as your clearly only with him for his financial support, and go be on your own till you figure out who you are and what you want. Stop moving from one guy to the next. Your clearly confused and need to sort this out before you get into any more relationships.